You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
