New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
