Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
