one two three fourrrrnication!
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
