How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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