My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
