I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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