Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
