you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
