How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
