hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
