hell yes lets make some ravioli
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
