Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
