i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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