My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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