i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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