I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
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