Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You should frame my arrest warrant.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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