I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
