At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
