does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i wish my penis had a tongue
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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