question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
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