Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
