3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Randomize
