Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
