Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I can't put those talents on a resume
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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