he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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