took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
