Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
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hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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