New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
