Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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