whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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