I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Two words: blizzard sex
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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