you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
