Don't you send me to vm
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Randomize
