Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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