nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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