Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
