Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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