I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
