i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
