I want to make a zoo with you.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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