The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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