He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
