Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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