so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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