My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
he thought i was a dude.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
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