He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize