omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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