I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
