I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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