Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
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