I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
