You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
