I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
