Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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