Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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