The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I don't deserve a penis
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
