I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
