I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
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