i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
