I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
