dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
