the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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