i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize