some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
