lets start a swedish sibling band together
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
