His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
