and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
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You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time