someone owes me an orgasm
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
