He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
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Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
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I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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