Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
