you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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