Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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