But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Randomize
