problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
